USB Drives and Damn Lungs
by iwantobemorethanwhoiam
Summary: "None of it lessened their grief. The grief of losing him. Richard Castle. Father. Husband. Son. Friend. He was gone forever." WARNING: MAJOR CHARACTER DEATH
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Found this prompt on castlefanficprompts on tumblr: Castle gets cancer and sometime in his last days he secretly records his voice reading aloud the Nikki heat books and other things Beckett likes to read so she'll get to hear his after he's gone. He gives them to Alexis for her to give to Kate the day after his funeral.**

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It had been an exhausting day. A day of fake smiles and real tears. A lot hugs and handshakes. People telling them how sorry they were for their loss. But none of it lessened their grief.

The grief of losing him.

Richard Castle. Father. Husband. Son. Friend.

He was gone forever.

Kate was sitting in the corner of the couch with her feet propped up on the coffee table, her sleeping seven year old daughter curled into her. Alexis sitting was in a chair next to the couch. Both women were sipping on wine, Kate periodically running her fingers through the ends of Megan's hair. Martha was upstairs reading a story to their five year old son who insisted, "Gram _has _to read to me cause other than daddy, she's the best at the voices."

"Dad...gave me something a few months ago." Kate shifted her gaze from her daughter's head to Alexis. "Um," she stood up and walked to the breakfast bar and rummaged through her purse until she found what she was looking for: a relatively small, gray box. She walked back over to Kate and ran her thumbs over it before holding it out to Kate. "He wanted me to give it to you today."

Kate set her glass down on the table behind the couch, being careful to not wake Megan, then took the box from Alexis. "What is it?"

"Just open it." Alexis sat back down in the chair and watched as Kate opened it.

Three USB drives. One labeled "Kate," one labeled "Meg," and the other labeled "Connor." Kate looked up at Alexis curiously. "What's on these?"

Alexis stood up again. "I'll go take her to bed and you go see for yourself." Alexis starting picking Megan up and she woke with the movement. "Let's get you up to bed." Kate rubbed her back as Alexis lifted her up to rest on her hip.

But Megan pushed out of Alexis' arms and went back to Kate. "No! I want to stay with mom!" Martha came back downstairs.

"Okay." Kate rubbed a soothing hand down her back. "Okay." She moved her feet to the floor. "But it's late so how about you go lay in my bed and I'll be in there in a little while."

Her lip started quivering as her eyes filled with tears. "But can't you come with me now?" Kate opened her mouth to say something but Megan noticed the USB drives in her hand. "What are those?"

Kate looked down in her hand then back at her daughter. "Dad gave them to Alexis to give to me."

"But what are they?"

"I don't know. I have to plug it into the computer to find out."

"Can we go see?"

Kate glanced at the clock on the wall, 11:28. That was too late for a 7 year old to be awake and she should say no. She should have her go back to sleep but there's that little voice in the back of her head telling her that her dad just died. That kid deserves everything right now. Then she looked at Alexis, who she assumed knew what was on them. Kate wanted to know if it was okay for Megan to see/listen/watch whatever was on them at this time of night. Alexis gave a slight nod. "Okay but then you have to go to sleep."

"I will. I promise."

Martha said her goodnights then went back up to her room and Alexis did the same after instructing them to look at Kate's first, leaving Kate and Megan to the USBs.

Once they got to the office, Kate plugged it in the computer and Megan hopped up on her lap and rested her head on Kate's chest. Kate opened the file and found nine files. One named "Open this one first" and the others the various names of all the Nikki Heat books. She instantly knew what it was.

She opened the first file and it was a video. She clicked play then wrapped her arms tighter around Megan and rested her head on top of her daughter's, seeking comfort.

He was sitting in the same spot they were, oxygen tubes coming from his nose, an IV coming out of his left arm. She knew by the look of him, he recorded it about a month earlier.

"Hey Kate." He weakly smiled. "I hate that I ever had to do this. I'm gonna die any day now and I need you to know how much I love you." He looked down, obviously trying to hide his own tears and mumbled. "Damn lungs." Megan looked up at Kate at the sound of the curse word. Kate just lifted her eyebrows and they both looked back at the screen. "Before I met you, I was just living. I had Alexis and Mother but I wanted," he took a deep breath, both trying to catch his breath and think of something to say, "more.

That's probably why I killed off Derrick. My life was predictable. It was far from what I wanted it to be. Weaseling my way into the precinct and into your life will always be one of the best things I ever did. I love you more than," he took another deep breath, "I can even put into words and the last thing I ever wanted to do was leave you like this. Leave the kids. Leave Alexis and mother. God, the kids.

Raising Alexis, watching her grow up, was my greatest joy and the fact that I only get to do for seven years with our kids..." he looked down and shook his head as tears streamed from his eyes.

Tears streamed from Kates eyes as she saw her husband like this. Not one time in the year he fought for his life did he ever cry or break down or give up hope. But this, this is him breaking down and giving up hope.

"They need to know how much I love them. Don't ever let them question that." He closed his eyes for a moment, having to take a few deep breaths and calm down so he could breath easier. "Kate, don't shut yourself off from the world again. You're the only parent Megan and Connor have left, they can't lose you too." He took another couple of moments to gather himself. "I know you're gonna be sad and I know it's gonna be hard for you but maybe in a year or maybe sooner or later, whenever, you should find someone to love you again. You deserve someone to love you again."

And at that, Kate had to hold back sobs that were threatening to wrack her entire body. She put her hand under her nose, hoping that would stop a sob from breaking free. Megan shifted so she could look at her mom easier then she wrapped her arms around Kate's neck and Kate buried her face in her daughter's hair as she listened to the rest of the video.

"You deserve to be happy, Kate, so be sad...but don't be sad forever and don't let Meg and Connor and Alexis and Mother be sad forever either. You all deserve to be happy and I'm sorry I'm not there to be a part of it." He took another deep breath. "The other files on this are the Nikki Heat books. I had Alexis record me reading them so you and the kids have it. And on theirs, are their favorite books. I know Connor won't let you read Horton Hears a Who so I made sure to have that one." He softly chuckled. "And I didn't get to finish reading Megan the fourth Little House on the Prairie book so I did the rest of them.

I'm not ready to die. I've got so much left to do. But it's gonna happen so this is the only thing I could think of to do...I love you so much, Kate. Never doubt how much I love you, how much I love our family, being a dad, being your husband." He shook his head as more tears slid down his face. "God, this fuckin world is cruel sometimes." He looked back at the camera. "I love you. Always remember that." And the screen went black except for a grey play button in the middle of the screen.

She hadn't noticed it before but Megan's body was shaking as she cried, as hard as she did when Kate told her he was gone. Kate shifted so Megan would lift her head from her neck then she put her hands on the sides of her face and they rested their foreheads together. "It's gonna be okay."


	2. Chapter 2

_**A/N: I was going through CastleFanficPrompts on tumblr, where I get most of my inspiration and saw this prompt: Kate's second wedding after Castle died?**_

_**and I immediately thought of this story so I sort wrote this.**_

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One time searching for venues.

One time picking flower arrangements.

One time choosing cake flavors.

One time making a guest list and sending out invitations.

One time walking down the aisle.

That's the way it was supposed to be.

But here she is, standing in the processional with her father by her side, waiting to walk down the aisle for the second time.

Castle told her to be happy, not to shut herself off from the world so that's what she's tried to do over the last nine years without him. Raise their kids, stay close with Martha and Alexis, and do things that make her happy.

Almost five years ago, she got a job offer with the FBI. It wasn't like when she worked for the AG's office. The job was with the cold case initiative. She got to bring families closure when they didn't think they'd ever get any. And another plus to the job was the flexible hours, being a single mom to two growing kids was a full time job and this job was perfect to accommodate that.

When they made the move to DC, it was hard. Leaving New York and the loft, they had their last memories of Castle there. She considered not even taking the job but then she remembered Castle's words from the video, "You deserve to be happy, Kate, so be sad...but don't be sad forever." She hated to admit it but being reminded of him every minute of every day, at the loft, at the precinct, around the city, it wasn't something she wanted. She wanted to remember him, of course, but she also had to move on. DC had memories, it had good ones and bad just like New York, but there weren't so many of them.

A few months after starting the job, she had to go to Chicago for a conference with other agents part of the Cold Case Initiative and that's where she met the man waiting for her at the end of the aisle.

It took her a long time to come to terms with how she felt about this man, like how it was for her and Castle just not as long and for very different reasons.

One night Kate had just gotten off the phone with him after opening up to him about Castle. She was sitting on the couch by the window in her bedroom thinking about how serious this thing with him was becoming. A lone tear strayed down her cheek as she thought that this shouldn't even be an option for her. She should be married to Castle, not talking with her boyfriend about his death. That was one of the first nights where she truly believed maybe there is more than one person out there for everyone and that scared her to death.

The thought of loving someone again, falling in love again, was terrifying to her. This time it wouldn't be just her getting hurt, she had two kids who would get caught in the crossfire.

Thinking back to the night when she watched the video with Megan, she remembered how laughable it was that he thought she would fall in love again. How could anyone live up to what they had?

That's what she loved about Scott. He knew he was her consolation prize. He knew she would always love Castle and cherish what they had and yet, he was okay with that. And when he could see her stressing out or being more agitated, particularly around his birthday, their anniversary, and the anniversary of his death, he knew to push her to remember that it's okay to miss Castle and talk to him about it.

She always wondered what she did to deserve these two men. The two men who knew her better than anyone, better than she even knew herself sometimes. Two men who pushed her to do better in life and who backed off when they knew she needed it. Two men who loved her, baggage and all. And most importantly, the one man who was the father of her kids and the other who loved them unconditionally.

Two men she didn't think she could love as much as she did.

"Katie." She was pulled from her thoughts at the sound of her father's voice. "You ready?"

She nodded and Jim handed her his handkerchief. "Can't be crying already, the ceremony hasn't even started."

She let out a small laugh and took it from him and gently dabbed the tears from her face. She handed it back to him and then they were off. Starting the walk toward her happy ending.


End file.
